Why You Feel On Edge at Work (Even When Nothing's Wrong)

For years, I felt bad every day before, during, and after work.

I’m talking about intense anxiety. A constant fear that I was going to get fired. This underlying sense that I couldn’t trust the people around me.

And the confusing part was… nothing was actually happening.

I remember one morning really noticing it. I was getting ready for work and I stopped and thought, Why do I feel like this?

There were a few people who came to mind as triggers, but if I was being honest, nothing had really happened with them.

And yet, in my body, they felt threatening.

It was like they had power over me in my mind that didn’t match reality at all.

At the time, I thought this was just how work felt.

It wasn’t until much later—and honestly, not until I became a coach—that I realized how many women were having this exact same experience.

They’d say things like:

“I don’t know why, but I feel like something bad is about to happen… even when everything is fine.”

And over time, I started to see a pattern.

A lot of us grew up in chaotic, unstable homes.

The Part No One Talks About

We tend to think of work as separate from everything else.

Like whatever happened in childhood is over here… and work is over there.

But that’s not actually how it works. Your nervous system doesn’t clock in and out with you.

If you grew up in an environment that felt unpredictable or emotionally unsafe, your body adapted to that. And one of the biggest adaptations is this:

Stability doesn’t actually feel safe.

Because in your experience, it wasn’t. Peace didn’t mean peace. It meant something was about to go wrong. It was the calm before the storm.

So now, as an adult, you can be in a job that is objectively stable… and your body still doesn’t trust it.

It stays alert. It scans. It tries to anticipate.

Not because something is wrong now—but because that’s what it learned to do.

Why This Happens

When you grow up in chaos, your nervous system gets trained to stay on.

Not occasionally—constantly.

Your brain starts to treat normal things like threats.

A vague message.

A last-minute meeting.

A slightly off tone.

And your body reacts as if something is about to go wrong.

You also become really good at reading people—picking up on small shifts, subtle changes, anything that might signal tension or conflict. In your childhood, that awareness was protective.

But at work, it can turn into overthinking, misreading situations, and feeling like you can never fully relax.

And then there’s this piece that most people don’t realize:

Calm can feel uncomfortable.

Because if calm didn’t last when you were younger, your body doesn’t fully trust it now. So even when things are steady, there’s this underlying sense that something is coming.

How This Actually Shows Up at Work

This shows up in really specific ways at work:

• You might find yourself taking on more than you need to, feeling responsible for everything, or struggling to delegate because it feels like if something goes wrong, it’s on you.

• You might say yes when you want to say no, or manage other people’s emotions just to keep things smooth.

• There’s often a lot of overthinking—replaying conversations, analyzing tone or timing, and assuming something negative even when there’s no clear evidence.

• There's usually a quiet layer of self-doubt… questioning whether you’re as capable as you should be, or worrying that at some point you’ll be exposed.

• You might feel more sensitive around feedback or authority, interpreting small things as bigger than they are, or bracing for something to escalate.

• In meetings or visible moments, you likely hold back—hesitating to speak, second-guessing your perspective, or staying quiet even when you have something valuable to say.

In real-time, this all can show up in your body—getting defensive, shutting down, avoiding, or people-pleasing—without even realizing it’s happening.

The Part That’s Easy to Forget

The thing that’s easy to lose sight of is that everyone else at work is also managing their own internal world.

They might not have grown up in chaotic homes, but they still have their own stress, insecurities, and patterns that shape how they show up.

So a lot of what you’re interpreting—how someone said something, how they responded, what you think they meant—often has way less to do with you than it feels like in the moment. I

t’s usually just another person trying to manage their own experience in an environment that’s also putting pressure on them. And when you start to see that, it creates a little space between what’s actually happening… and the story your mind is telling about it.

What You Can Do About It

First remember, there’s nothing wrong with you. These patterns made sense in the environment you came from. But they might not be serving you anymore.

So the shift becomes:

• Start noticing what you’re assuming, instead of immediately believing it.

• Remind yourself that your body is reacting to old patterns, not necessarily what’s happening right now.

• Begin to take small, intentional actions—speaking up once, sharing a thought, letting yourself be seen a little more—without waiting until you feel completely ready.

Over time, that’s what starts to change things. Not forcing yourself to feel different. But showing your body, through experience, that it doesn’t have to stay in that constant state of alert anymore.